Know jokes

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

Want to know of a funny joke?

Women drivers.

I'm freshfry. I don't know what Alya's problem is, but just leave her alone, ok? Thanks.

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.

Hey, I haven't been on for like 2 months. I don't know who is still on here or like if everyone left, but yuh, I just decided to come back. Hey.

You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?

Because they never take a chill pill.

Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.

Yo mama so stupid, she couldn't comment on this website because she didn't know the 2x4 check!

Dear Kenya, I am very sorry for how rude I was to you. I just want you to know that I'm on your side and I'll never do it again. - Sincerely, Gwen

Awww, Gwen thinks she has a boyfriend! Oh wait, no you don't! She is just some loser ass bitch who could be a ho, you don't know. He was mine, and I want him back!

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

Why is Mercury so hot? I know, because the sun is killing Mercury.

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

You know why seven ate nine? Because 7, 8, 9.