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There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.

Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.

You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.

Because it’s empty inside.

Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?

They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

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    • I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

    Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

    Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

    What is an orphan's first phone?

    An iPhone 12. Wanna know why?

    It has no home button :D

    1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

    2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

    3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

    4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

    5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

    6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

    7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

    8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

    9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

    10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

    11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

    12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

  • 1

    • Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

    A knife has a point.