Back
Know

Know jokes

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?

I don't know, I have both!

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?

Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.

Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?

Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!

Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.

Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?

Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......

Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: I'll fall with you.

Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

Neona (πŸ˜”): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

Gwen (πŸ˜‰): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...

We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.

Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.

Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

Gina: Do you know my sister's name?

Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!

I'm freshfry. I don't know what Alya's problem is, but just leave her alone, ok? Thanks.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!

Prince might be with a new girl, but he still wants Gwen, who doesn't? Other half.

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Prince, stop sending me letters, poems, and memes through Gmail. We broke up, it's over!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: I know, but that new girl that I been seeing is not you! I miss you a lot! Please come back to me.

Gwen on the phone with Prince: I'm gonna hang up now!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Sorry, I can't hear you...you're breaking up...what?!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: Gwen! DO NOT HANG UP !!!!!!!!

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Okay...bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

  • 3

    • Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.

    Deku: Hey, Todoroki?

    Shoto: Wht?

    Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?

    Shoto: :)

    Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?