Kill jokes
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.