Kill jokes
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
How does a skeleton kill a bug?
They SOCKET!
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
Why did the mushroom kill himself?
Because he had a mushy life.
My peepee small.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.