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Kill jokes

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

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    • I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

    I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

    What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

    Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

    Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

    How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

    If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

    If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

    If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

    If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

    What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

    I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

    If you kill someone, that's murder.

    If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

    If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

    Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

    His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

    The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

    Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

    Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

    Teacher: What is the moral even?

    Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

    How do you make a body disappear?

    You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

    P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.