Kids jokes

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."

I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then I yelled, "Rocket League!"

How do you get black kids to stop jumping off the bed?

You put Velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get the black kids down?

You invite the Mexicans over.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

What do you call a gay emo kid?

Fruit Ninja.

Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?