Kids jokes
Why is a ketchup bottle like a kid? Cause they're like, "Squirt!" (squirt ketchup).
I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
He entered (kindergarten) class. The teacher said, "Luce, start for us and say the alphabet." He said, "A B C D E F G H I J K *just kidding* L M N O." Laugh my nose off. The teacher said, "Go to the office right now, young man!" I don't understand, he just said jokes to the teacher, lmao :D
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
Kid: Your mom!
Orphan: (cries)
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Dude, ABC, what comes next?
Kid: A big fat noob.
What do you call your kids?
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.