Kids jokes
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”
Vote for the better joke.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?
Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.
On a desk in pure isolation.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What is the name of a show for kids?
Barney.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.