Kid jokes

Tonight, on Top Gear!

James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!

Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!

And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

Student: PIGS!

Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

Student: SHEEP!

Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

Student: IK where that comes from!

A FAT COW! 😂😂

What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?

Nothing, he had no friends.

Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"

The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Why do kids like to pick on orphans?

Because they can't call their parents.

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

I told a blind kid, "See you later!"

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

Every second, 1 kid gets diagnosed with homework.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.