Keep

Keep jokes

Stalker

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

DJ

Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?

A: They keep breaking records!

Potato

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

Dog

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Shooter

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

Imposter

In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.

Sound familiar? πŸ€”

Well, in September 11th...

Social media

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

Wife

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Elephant

Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?

Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.

Work

I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny πŸ˜† and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work πŸ‘!

Insult

Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!

Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!

Kenya stop smiling and start dying!

Tenya, why are you so mean!

Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!

Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!

Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!

Wife

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

Clock

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

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  • Priest

    A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

    When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

    The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

    Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

    God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

    Baby

    What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

    I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

    Stairs

    Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

    Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

    Astronaut

    Where do astronauts πŸ‘©β€πŸš€ keep their sandwiches πŸ₯ͺ?

    In their launch box! πŸš€πŸ“¦πŸ˜‚