Keep jokes
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
Why don't booties make good drummers?
They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their rap sheets in order.
How do rappers keep their breath fresh?
With some FRESH BEATS.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."