Jump jokes
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
Why did the orphan jump into the burning building?
It was too cold because they did not have a home.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
"Dream, yo mama so ugly, when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out!"
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”