Joke jokes
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.
What color is Stephen Hawking's house?
It's a bungalow.
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:
Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂
Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.
The first orphan joke be like: What does the orphan not have?
A family.
I rate these jokes 9/11.
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
There are "nun" good jokes.
What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
Knock knock. Who's there? Stephen Hawking. Wheelie?
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"