Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Joke Jokes
A sheep, a snake, and a drum fell off of a cliff.
Baa- Dum- Tsss!
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Really Karen?
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?
"Hello Ladies!"
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.
What did the cow tell an Indian?
Moo!
What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.
Sorry, the joke is bad :(
This joke is short... like your dick!
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
This stuff is messed up, you people.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
