Joke jokes

Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.

If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?

Me: That’s a good WAVE.

Friend: I SEA it.

Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

Friend: I SEA what you did there.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰

What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?

A one giant.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.

Why did the chicken not cross the road?

Because it saw your face!

Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!

Do you want to hear three jokes?

Joke Joke Joke.

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?

199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).

Get?

These jokes are all crap.

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?

Tourists.