Joke jokes
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
What is brown and extremely sticky?
A stick.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because there's too many jokes about Sally.