Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Joke Jokes
Why did Leah throw the butter out of the window? To see a butterfly!
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
