Joke jokes
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
Your dad.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.