Joke

Joke jokes

Eye

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

Name

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

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  • Terrorist

    Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?

    He was actually quite funny...

    He just blew the delivery.

    (I'll show myself out).

    Orphan

    Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.

    Like this if you think orphans are cool!

    Leg day

    When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

    Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

    Black Hole

    Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

    Orphan

    Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.

    Number

    Random guy: Hi, how old are you?

    Me: 15

    The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.

    Me: Do you know what else is a number?

    The guy: What?

    Me: 911

    Friend

    My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

    I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

    Dodo

    Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

    Rape

    I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

    Orphan

    What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

    Road

    Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?

    To get cooked by KFC.