Joke jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards". It is cool.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
I am curious how many likes this will get.
LIKE IT!!!!!
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?
"Kobe crash!"
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Why is the Tower of Pisa tilted?
Because it had more reflects than the Twin Towers.
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Wanna hear a joke? Me.