Joke jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.
And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A chopping board.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
Anong tawag sa cake na may ubo?
Edi cough cake! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAKAJAHA LT TLGA BOSIT