Wanna hear a funny joke?
My life.
Joke Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
1 + 1 = window.
My dick.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
