Joke jokes
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a cat.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Eggs
You crack me up!
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Where did Sally go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Hi Andrew, this is Nick.
Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What do you call a man who lost his car??
Carlos
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"