Joke jokes

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Vagina jokes aren't funny.

Most of the time.

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

A baby in a blender.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.

What do you call a feminine cow?

A dairy queen.

Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?

One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)