Joke jokes
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
What is the best joke in the world? Women’s rights.
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
These jokes are all crap.
I made a website about orphans.
It didn’t have a home page!
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
Submit a joke :-)
Your love life.
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.