Joke jokes
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
I FAMOUS NOW GUYS
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.