Joke jokes

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?

His lawnmower.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

It's not rape if you're both crying.

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.