Joke jokes
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"