Joke jokes

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?

His lawnmower.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

It's not rape if you're both crying.

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.