Joke jokes
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Memes
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?