Joke jokes
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."