Joke jokes

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"