Joke jokes

Why did the bum get a slap?

Because it was being too cheeky.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

Friend: Why?

Me: So they would hang themselves.

What do gay men like cocks?

🍦🍦🍦 they like the cream filling 😋

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Many soles were lost.

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Suicide.