Joke jokes

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

I've seen too many of them get elected.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

Why did the bum get a slap?

Because it was being too cheeky.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

Friend: Why?

Me: So they would hang themselves.

What do gay men like cocks?

🍦🍦🍦 they like the cream filling 😋

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Many soles were lost.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Suicide.