Joke jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
I would tell a scoliosis joke.
But that would be completely out of line.