Joke jokes
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.