Joke jokes
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Why is he ourple?
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.