Joke jokes
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
Fat kid jumps in the pool.
The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."
The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"9/11."
"9/11 who?"
"You said you'd never forget!"
What makes an orphan jump?
A bridge.
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.
What's black and long? A line at KFC.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.