Joke jokes
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Asian pregnancy test:
Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.
Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
I can't stand disability jokes.
I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.