Joke jokes
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
Why is American bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?
The Twin Towers hit the ground.
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
I can't stand disability jokes.
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"
Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.