Joke jokes

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

Animal jokes, eh?

Toucan play at that game.

What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!

What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?

Everyone gets a turn ;)

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?

"Mind if I join you?"

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of orphans.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.