Joke jokes
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;
What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.
What's that? said the orphans.
Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.
What's the IJK?
I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
Asian pregnancy test:
Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.
Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.