what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
Joke Jokes
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
