Joke jokes
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.
I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?
Meals on wheels.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.
If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!
If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.