Joke jokes
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.