Joke jokes

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.

Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.