Joke jokes

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.

If you thought other puns were bad, wait till you sea mine.

Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D

What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.

What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.

What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?

Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

I got udder jokes too.

Want to hear a joke? It's called life.

I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."

JK.

Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?

A. A dino-snore.

The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?

A. Prankenstein.