Joke jokes
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
What do you call a group of depressed teenagers?
Suicide Squad.
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: Impatient feminist.
Friend: Impati--
Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
Stop orphan jokes!
Why is an orphan crying about its family?
Because it can't "let it go."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.