Joke jokes
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
What do cannibals call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise.
If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Urmom.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
it was just a prank bro.
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
Knock knock. Who's there? Stephen Hawking. Wheelie?
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
What color is Stephen Hawking's house?
It's a bungalow.
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
What types of erections do skeletons have? Boners.