Joke jokes
Spell "I cup."
I C U P
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?
Tic-tac-toe.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
Goofy ahh jokes below.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
What did the South Tower say to the North Tower?
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.