Joke jokes
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
What's it called if an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
What's tree + tree?
Sticks! (Three + three = six)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.
An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.