Joke jokes

How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.

The person who is reading this.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

Please, can someone comment on this post to explain what satisfaction you get from joking about such serious issues?

Stop joking about suicide, it's not funny. You people must be so ignorant to be able to joke about such serious issues that you clearly are uneducated on.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.

That was an egg-cellent joke!

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

What is the one spray that can kill midgets? Bug spray.

Alec is bad at League?

Jokes, Jarid is, haha!

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

Abortion is not a joke.

I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.