A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Joke Jokes
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Aarghraawa."
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.