Job Jokes

What is a gay man's favorite job?

A blowjob.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Am I a guard or a guava?

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I lick poo for a living... You?

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!