Job jokes
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Memes
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.