Job jokes

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.