Job jokes
What do you call an Indian gravedigger?
Digdeep.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
Me when the underpaid cinema worker says he doesn't want to clean up this mess
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”