Job jokes

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the rapper become a carpenter?

To build some SOLID BARS.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

Bob the builder.