Job jokes

What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?

Snoozin' B. Anthony!

Are you fin-ished with your work?

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.

But hay! It's in my jeans!

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?

Because it has at least one hundred degrees.

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.