Job jokes

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

How do you make a plumber cry?

Break his pipes...

I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

I did a good job of being home from school.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?

I went for a walk today, and I did a good job of telling what time it was.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

What state do miners hate?

Oregon.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

Why did the manager hire the marsupial?

Because he was koala-fied!

Guys to wind the clock up?