Job jokes
Guys to wind the clock up?
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
Are you fin-ished with your work?
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?