Job jokes
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.