Job jokes

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?

Because it has at least one hundred degrees.

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

He's homeless.

Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...

The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.