Job jokes

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

We are both lawyers.

What do you call an Indian gravedigger?

Digdeep.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

What is the perfect job for a pedophile?

A physical doctor for kids.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

What is a pooper man called? A dentist.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1

Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.

Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)

Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.

Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)

Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.

Mom: But what he did was wrong.

Girl: I know.

(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)

Mom: Is that ur dad.

Girl: Yes Mom

Comment Part 2

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.