Job jokes

Literally the most popular job: YouTube.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."

So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"

God, I love working at an orphanage.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.