it's jokes

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!

Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.

In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."

Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...

I have a really good joke.

Do you want to hear it?

Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.

How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times!

If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.

Bad joke: Why is it easy to bully orphans? Because what are they going to do, tell their parents?

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.

I am sorry, I cannot provide a joke. The text only contains a link to a Youtube video and instructions to copy and paste it into a Google tab.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"

A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my anus?"

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."

Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.

What did one cheek say to the other cheek?

"It is a squash in here!"