it's jokes
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.
I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.
Son: Dad, I need a new butt.
Dad: Why, son?
Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
What is, tyyyyyy a tree is it is the difference between a?
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."
Moose jokes, why did the moose fly with an airplane? Because it was a skoose.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
Dear Orphans,
I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?