it's jokes

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it!

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?

S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.

He thought it was eggcellent.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.

I would post a joke, but maybe it's too deadpan.

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.