it's jokes

Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.

Yo hairline so ugly even Bob the Builder said he couldn't fix it.

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

Heard the Helen Keller single? It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).

What do you call it when Panera is over?

Panera end.

If a baby cow finds a wolf pup, they will be best friends, but when mummy wolf comes, it’s a fight, so the baby cow and the wolf pup made it a secret, but one day the mummy cow and the mummy wolf found out, but no one got hurt. In fact, the mummy cow and the mummy wolf got to know each other, and baby cow and wolf pup were very happy and played all day long. Their friendship will never break.

-THE END-

This was not a joke but a meaning: if you are different, that doesn’t change who you are and your friends are, so be yourself and don’t let people break your dreams, and don’t forget them either. So no matter who you are, don’t let people change who you are. 🐺🐮

I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

Wanna hear the car joke?

Nah, it's too fast for you.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?

I hear it hurt like hell.

Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.