it's jokes

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.

What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!

Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?

Cause it was plain.

I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

Why did the gym close down?

Because it just didn't work out.

What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?

Stop horsing around!

Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mother!

Mother who?

It's your mother.

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.