it's jokes
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
Why does an orphan commit a crime?
Because it wants to be wanted.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
what is it called when an illegal immigrant is getting raped?
alien vs predator
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.