it's jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
What goes cackle, cackle, *bonk*?
A witch laughing its head off.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.